Thursday, 13 November 2008

only when i've lost myself

So these have also been my words; my story, erupting from my thought-factory. While this song, 'NYC' by Marty Sampson, is written with a duo-addressee (that is, to his lady + God) for me for now, it's just heavenward:

I've seen all the adverts -
Stared at all the billboards - Waited for the taxis - Ate your popcorn in movies - But only when i lost myself - I've walked through New York City - I've seen the ugly the pretty - The less fortunate and wealthy - But none can compare to You - I've jumped out to the ending - Been bleeding from wounds of nothing - I've listened and been ignored - Been hungry I've been bored - Been left out in the storm - But only when i lost myself - Is when I found You - I've been so many places - Seen too many faces - Heard too many cases - Of dreams without chasers... so - I've lost myself - And all my wealth - I broke my pride - I stepped aside - And threw away - The best of life - What I held dear - Achingly tight - To lose my lot - Ruin my life - To lose all else - To find myself - With you. - 'NYC' Marty Sampson.

So to throw some adventure in the mix, I've moved out. The last three weeks have been stellar. It's been real good. I've stayed with my friends Simon & Ben and 10 other guys, and each day&night has been momentous . They leave tomorrow though, which is a sad thing, but I'm excited for what's ahead. My mini-plan is to house-sit or, at the very least, take care of your couch over December/January. I can't really afford much at the moment, and thought i'd just throw that out there. I'll probably be here untill the end of February, but if I save a fantastic amount, I may be able to do a second year here.. the future seems delightful either way when looking at my handful of dreams, where ever I next land.

And so, the next and most recent thing to let you know, joyfully, is that I graduated last night. It was a splendid evening. One great year complete, and like I said somewhere in this momentous post: "One thing, of the many, that I realised, was that this next year will not only be a year progressing in my own perceived plans of growth, but also a full-on time of reclaiming. Involuntarily and voluntarily. Reclaiming my headspace and my breathing space. Reclaiming my capacity to love and receive love. Down to the details." I've been reclaiming, no doubt about it. And the wonder of it all has been priceless. And only cos I've lost myself, I've tasted and I've seen.

We've only just begun. And we're beginning to see dreams owned by their chasers.


Ji said...

ryan scott wynn!!! you're my hero!

shelly said...


miss u already!